Cheese  A Love Story
by Styot
Summary: A helpless teen moves to Washington and falls in love with a piece of cheese.
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1**

Life is like a plant. You can piss on it to help it grow. That's a quote I have always followed by. I like cheese and I don't just mean cheddar. I'm talking Gouda, Mozzarella, Parmesan and Romano. But that's not what this story is about. Well on second thought maybe it is? This story defiantly makes references to cheese. It all started one day when my mom drove me to the airport. I was on my way to my father's house. He lives in a small town in Washington. No shit, the place rains like fuck! But I had to get away from my mom; she was being a bitch to me lately. She is dating this guy named Carl. Now if you look up the definition "Tool" on Urban Dictionary I swear to god, Carl's name comes up first. And besides, they were going to be going to Florida soon and to be quite frank with you, I don't like alligators. "Are you sure you want to do this Bella?" my mom asked. "Are you sure you want to date Carl?" I responded. "Don't get snappy with me young lady" my mom said in a firm voice. "Fuck you!" I yelled. I got onto the plane and sat in my seat. I was sat in between a fat tub of lard and a nerdy white guy. During the flight, the nerdy guy started jacking off right there on the plane. I asked the flight attendant if I could switch seats and she told me that she was working a 24 hour shift and that if a wanted a seat I would have to fine one myself. So later on in the flight I ordered a piping hot coffee and 'accidentally' spilt it on her. When I got to Forks I saw my dad at the gate. He told me he got me a car. Apparently it was a truck that was bought used and before that bought used. I wanted a fucking Ferrari. The people at security told me to get rid of all my alcohol because I am apparently 'under age'. So I am going to have to get my dad to buy me liquor. After a long day of traveling I just wanted to go to bed. But my dad had to do a whole friggen 20 questions with me. I love my dad but I wish he would just get run over by a car and then get thrown into a furnace. Tomorrow was my first day of school and I wanted to miss it. I went downstairs at 12:00 at night to go and get some liquor. I brought back up some Gin, Vodka, Rum, Scotch, and Beer. Mixed it all together and got drunk in my bedroom. I didn't go to sleep until I was covered in the smell of alcohol and barf.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

Have you ever had suicide thoughts? Because I think I am having one right now. It probably wasn't the smartest idea to get hung-over on my first day of school but I was really craving alcohol yesterday. You see, I don't have a drinking problem, I just really like alcohol. I drove my shitty truck to school today. To be honest with you, it wasn't that bad of a car. I mean it looked like shit, but it ran great. When I got to school I was relieved that none of the other cars were too fancy. Except for this one car. It was the Ferrari I wanted. I was thinking of hotwiring it but I decided not to. This weird Asian kid ran up to me and started giving me a tour around the school. I think his name was Eric but I wasn't really paying attention to him. He showed me to my first class and introduced me to the teacher. His name was Mr. Bummer I think. He showed me to my seat. Honest to god, and I am not lying. My lab partner was a piece of cheese, literally. I asked the teacher if this was some kind of joke. It wasn't. And get this, the cheese had bronze eyes and brown hair. It had a mouth, ears and legs. I couldn't believe my lab partner was a piece of cheese. He didn't talk very much. Something about that piece of cheese made me so attracted to it. I wanted to give that piece of cheese a blow job he would never forget. But I don't think he had a penis. Maybe I would have to give him butt sex. If he had a butt. He was just an attractive piece of cheese. I I know that all of this probably sounds weird but you would have to see it for yourself. At lunch I met some girls and started to talk with them. We all sat at a lunch table. And across from out table was the cheese man and his brothers and sisters, and guess what? They were also pieces of cheese. One was Cheddar, one was Gouda, and one was Romano. One of the pieces of cheese came over to me and introduced herself. "Hi I'm Alice" she said. "Nice to meet you" I said. I shook her hand, if was so weird. "Over there are my three brothers Emmet, Edward and Jasper. And my sister Rosalie." She said. When I got home I told my dad about the pieces of cheese. "Do not poke fun at the Cullen's!" he yelled. "Dr. Cullen is a great doctor and is trusted by everybody in this sad sack town!" I went to bed, I was tired and thirsty. I brought up a bottle of red wine to my room and drank. I was still thinking about that piece of cheese Edward. He was so attractive. I would totally do him if I could.


End file.
